10 ways to become irrelevant to church leaders

The greatest asset I have are my friends who lead in local churches across the country. While I do take leadership roles in my own church, I don't sit in the chair of the senior pastor, never will, and don't pretend I want to. What I am interested in becoming is an advocate for the person who sits in what could arguably be the loneliest position in the world.

I've been working with church leaders long enough to know what connects with them and what turns them off. When we bring new people on the CCB team, it is important that they understand our culture and our approach to ministry. If they exhibit behavior that confirms they get it within the first 90 days, they'll never fit in.

Every time I attend different church leader events, I see examples of people who are rendered irrelevant not because they are bad people but because their approach is disconnected from the habits, personalities, and preferences of the person they're trying to help.

Below are the top 10 violations of the sacred relationship between a pastor and ministry partners:


  1. Never ask questions.
  2. Talk more.
  3. Stop listening.
  4. Introduce solutions to problems they don't have.
  5. Make it all about price. (FYI...It's never ONLY about price.)
  6. Work to close a deal rather than build a relationship.
  7. Don't walk a way when it's not a clear "win" for both parties. (A bad deal is a bad deal.)
  8. Use jargon and tech speak that no one understands but you.
  9. Unload everything you know about any given subject to prove how smart you are.
  10. Get angry and upset when when you hear "no."

I never want to be introduced as a vendor. I always want to be introduced as a friend.

What did I leave off the list that you would have included?

Topics: This entry was posted in Leadership Roles, This entry was posted in Administrative Support, This entry was posted in Communications

Posted by Steve Caton on March 27, 2020